(no subject)

It's Monday. On Wednesday, I have the interview.
This afternoon I need to go to the library and read through the latest issues of some library journals. I need to browse through the library's homepage a few more times (I already did twice, at least, but I can't really remember things.) and read the ad again to prepare some questions I want to ask.
I need to decide what to wear and gather the things I want to take with me.

I'm getting nervous. But it isn't the sort of nervosity everybody can clearly see. My hands aren't shaking, I don't drop everything I pick up, I don't run around my room.
It's all inside of me. The rational me keeps saying that it will be alright. It is just an interview. The people I need to talk with are probably just as nervous as I am. They don't expect me to be perfect and they don't expect me to know everything.
The not-so-rational me, unfortunately, has the louder voice.
What if it's not going to be alright? If I blow that chance, how much longer will I have to be unemployed? Will they think I'm stupid?

I am not very good at guessing what people think about me. Usually, being an optimist (even though I prefer to disguise as a cynical pessimist), I think they're probably liking me. But when I start doubting that, I'll be lost.
I need to feel people like me, otherwise I break down and become a complete mess.

When I'm very nervous in an exam-type situation, I start speaking rather softly. And in any situation I tend not to finish my sentences.Either habit is not very good for an interview.

All I can do is prepare as good as possible and do my best. If that doesn't get me the job, then it's probably better for me.

I'm a little-more-than-half idiot

Idiot Quiz by evilpablo
Your Monicker
How much idiocy do you not have?: 47%
Quiz created with MemeGen!

Mad!!!

( Caution, Bowie Lyrics ahead )

Ever since I woke up this morning, All the madmen has been sticking in my brain. I didn't even listen to it in ages!
I'm not quite right at all
That's exactly how I feel. But it still is rare for me to have a song in my mind so completely that I can't drown it out with something else (not even the Labyrinth soundtrack, I tried). It feels as if somebody has put a cd player in my head and turned the volume up as far as possible.
I'm actually hearing it, just as I would if I had the CD on.
Probably that's a way of stress manifesting itself in my life, but it's a first.

I tried to get a nice blouse for my interview today. Something more formal than a simple shirt, but less formal than a white blouse, because I want to wear black pants and don't want to look as if I just came for a funeral. I had thought of a light color, long sleeves (it's getting cold outside) and at least the possibility to button it up.
Impossible.
Or at least impossible if I didn't want to spend 80 Euros for a blouse.
So I can't have the good feeling of wearing something new and just find something in my closet to work with. It isn't as if I didn't have anything to wear, to be honest, but since when was necessity a criterion for buying something.

I can fly, I can scream, I will break my arm...
It isn't getting better. Thirteen hours I have been listening to this one. single. song.

And to make my day, MSN messenger isn't working. No internet connection, yeah right. And I'm getting on LJ by sheer will power, I suppose.
Nope, this time they figured out that it's their problem. "Service unavailable" Now that's something in customer information. I'd never be able to figure that out on my own.

( more rambling about my Grandma )

Sometimes just everything sucks. Don't set me free, I'm as helpless as can be.