writing pains

I suppose a writer's block is nothing completely unusual. I have had times when I wasn't inspired at all.
The thing to do then would be not to write.
I did, anyway.
I wrote a story and it ended up pretty uninspired and pointless.
What was interesting about it is that it actually has made me sick to think about it, and I can't stop thinking about it. And I mean sick. I am a little dizzy, and I didn't feel like eating anything today, and there's a lump in my throat.
I'd never imagine that something like a story could affect me so, not the contents but the quality of the story.
I got some very nice comments from readers, but that doesn't really make me feel a whole lot better. Because I think I could have done better. I failed myself, my own goals and my expectations in myself.
I was trying hard to decide whether or not I should just go ahead and delete the story and pretend i never happened, but that doesn't seem honest.
So I have left it, and keep it in the back of my mind as a "warning".
I wrote it to kill time, and so it is a story to kill time "for those who like it better dead". And I don't even remember who said that, I just know it was said about a book.

Happy 3rd of October

After saying so much beforehand about how I would prefer us to celebrate our National Holiday more like the Americans or the French, I now have to admit I didn't listen to the festivities being broadcasted by the radio.
I simply forgot that they would be on.
But I did put up the two little German flags I made with WindowColor.
Our President, so I have heard, made a very sensible and - lo and behold - really patriotic speech. He even said something along the lines of "God bless Germany", which is completely unusual.
Not that I think that absolutely necessary, but if a President who is Christian asks for the blessing of the higher being he believes in, I don't think it can hurt. Even though some people might see it as being against the separation of state and church. But then, being Christian myself, maybe I don't see this that much as a problem as people who are atheists.
Anyway, his speech seemed to be pretty good, telling people that even though there are a lot of difficult tasks ahead, they could be tackled and solved, provided we were working together. He also said that West Germany was heading towards a lot of problems on their own in 1989, and that they shouldn't blame Estern Germany for everything.
Sure, this sounds like the usual stuff politicians say, but I think in this case it really has meaning. At least I decide that it has meaning for me, and that is all that counts.
Because as long as people don't put any meaning for themselves into speeches of politicians, there won't be any meaning to those speeches.
Every word means something else to everybody.
Simple example, a word like sugar.
Some people hate sweets, and this word will mean something rather disgusting to them. For somebody with diabetes it has a different meaning than to a kid who desperately wants a candy.
So that is why, whatever a politician says, some people will always find their own views backed by his or her speech. I suppose what makes a good politician is making the most people believe that he agrees with their goals.
So, then our President did a good job with me. Not that it matters, as he's not directly elected anyway, so I won't have a say in the matter.
But I like the idea that there actually are politicians who openly say that this country has a meaning to them.

Sidenote: As I didn't listen to the broadcast, I missed about the only chance a civilian has to sing the German National Anthem. So I'm humming it to myself now.