Oh what a beautiful morning. :-/

I started this day with a short but heated argument with my Dad.
It kind of ended when he said that I wasn apparently unable to think in the right way and it was therefore more or less useless to try to tell me anything, but if I would finally accept that he is rigth, he might be so gracious as to make another try.
I decided that discussing anything from this point on was absolutely useless and left.

I have very little patience to deal with this kind of thing these days.
I usually try to stay calm and pretend I am listening, and not get angry when he tells me that neither my interests nor my education is usefull for anything, because if I get angry at him, he'll take his own anger out on Mom instead of talking to me.
The main problem is that he does not see me, or any of his children, as a person. We are his children and that makes us some sort of thing that can be and has to be formed in a way he wants it to be. But he decided, back when my parents married, that he would be the one to work and financially support the family and my Mom would raise the kids. And for her, even a kid is a person, a human being with certain rights, somebody you have to treat with respect.
So this was the way we were raised, making it even harder to deal with my Dad. And he blames her for turning us against him, and also supporting us against him whenever she tries to explain our position to him.
His behavior towards us hasn't changed at all, even though we have grown up. He can't see us as adults, he can never accept a position different from his own.
Perhaps somehow deep inside of him he realizes that he isn't right all the time, that would explain why he gets so upset if anybody tells him he's wrong. Especially if it is one of us kids, because we are supposed to stand in awe before his greatness and glory and see him as second only to god, and probably not even that, thinking that he's pretty much an atheist.
And he would never apologize, because that would mean admitting he was wrong.

I don't know what to do. I can't be the way he wants me to be, because then I wouldn't be me anymore.
Dammit!

Me-meme

Looks pretty much right.

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A good example for a bad example

That was interesting.
Our town (not the small place I live in, but the town where I was born and went to school, just a few kilometers from where I live) has a boys' choir that used to be rather famous.
Some time ago, the choir went on strike to get rid of their choirmaster, rightfully, from what I've heard. Then they got somebody to take over the choir while the town is looking for somebody for this job. The person who's doing the job right now is actually a church musician. And he revived what used to be a tradition for this choir. Singing in the main church of the town.
Now most kids in the choir come from atheist families. Or rather un-religious families, because "atheist" always sounds as if they actually have decided not to believe in God, but usually they just never bothered to think about it. Anyway, so the parents and grandparents come to the Saturday evening prayers to hear their little boys sing. Problem is, as this actually is a service, the choir stands in the back.
But that doesn't bother the parents any. My Mom knows one of the pastors of that church, and he told her that the last time, the parents had turned around their chairs, turning their back to the altar and the pastor, to watch their kids.
Mom and I decided this was too weird to be left unchecked, so we went today.
And true enough, some people started picking up their chairs and turning them. It is a very weird feeling if the person in front of you in church suddenly faces you. Just turning around looking over their shoulders when the choir sings might have been more understandable. Still not nice, butmore understandable.
So this was funny.

And when the choir went in, it became even more so. This highly acclaimed choir, having been in many different countries already, but they don't know enough to leave their hands out of their pockets when they go someplace to sing.
And then they started to sing. Ouch! It hurt, it really hurt. This used to be a great choir. But not one of them could keep a tone. They messed up their entries and any consonant at the end of lines. Their articulation of words was terrible. Their ability to blend in with the other voices to really form a choir, not just a gathering of several peoplewho happen to be singing more or less the same piece of music is almost non-existing.
They sang some difficult stuff by Schütz and Scheid and Mendelsohn, and then there was a Bach. Bach is really hard to screw up, really. He has some themes he uses a lot and most of the things can be done alright if you have some practice and concentration. (I did the Christmas Oratory in choir one year with two practices before the concert, but that is a really well known piece, so it isn't completely comparable.)
Well, halfway through I wasn't sure whether they would make it until the end at all. I think the song was written for voices, but it sounded more like 8 or 9.
One proud mother was sitting in front of my Mom and me (chair turned around to face us), so all we could do was stare straight ahead and not look at each other or we might have lost any self control and either started laughing hysterically or crying.

The choir I'm in is a regular church choir. OK, a little more than regular. We have at least 100 members, and our choirmaster has ambitions. We're doing big stuff. With one practice a week, and we're much better than this choir that deems itself to be second only to professional choirs.
I could excuse the difficulties they had singing with the problems with their choirmaster and all that. But what you need for this sort of singing in a choir is a lot of discipline and concentration. And both were sadly lacking. At one point they were allowed to sit down (Not really necessary in a 1-hour service, but anyway), and it took almost 10 minutes. For no more than 50 people, if even that many.
I got the strange feeling that some backs turned towards them might do them some good. To learn that even though they are singing, it might not be all about them. And to learn that there is a lot they need to learn and they need to do before they are back at what they once were.

And also, I wish somebody would tell their parents about respect towards a religion. Even if they don't believe in these things they should show some respect.