Oh what a beautiful morning. :-/
Oct. 9th, 2004 12:24 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dream_labyrinthI started this day with a short but heated argument with my Dad.
It kind of ended when he said that I wasn apparently unable to think in the right way and it was therefore more or less useless to try to tell me anything, but if I would finally accept that he is rigth, he might be so gracious as to make another try.
I decided that discussing anything from this point on was absolutely useless and left.
I have very little patience to deal with this kind of thing these days.
I usually try to stay calm and pretend I am listening, and not get angry when he tells me that neither my interests nor my education is usefull for anything, because if I get angry at him, he'll take his own anger out on Mom instead of talking to me.
The main problem is that he does not see me, or any of his children, as a person. We are his children and that makes us some sort of thing that can be and has to be formed in a way he wants it to be. But he decided, back when my parents married, that he would be the one to work and financially support the family and my Mom would raise the kids. And for her, even a kid is a person, a human being with certain rights, somebody you have to treat with respect.
So this was the way we were raised, making it even harder to deal with my Dad. And he blames her for turning us against him, and also supporting us against him whenever she tries to explain our position to him.
His behavior towards us hasn't changed at all, even though we have grown up. He can't see us as adults, he can never accept a position different from his own.
Perhaps somehow deep inside of him he realizes that he isn't right all the time, that would explain why he gets so upset if anybody tells him he's wrong. Especially if it is one of us kids, because we are supposed to stand in awe before his greatness and glory and see him as second only to god, and probably not even that, thinking that he's pretty much an atheist.
And he would never apologize, because that would mean admitting he was wrong.
I don't know what to do. I can't be the way he wants me to be, because then I wouldn't be me anymore.
Dammit!
It kind of ended when he said that I wasn apparently unable to think in the right way and it was therefore more or less useless to try to tell me anything, but if I would finally accept that he is rigth, he might be so gracious as to make another try.
I decided that discussing anything from this point on was absolutely useless and left.
I have very little patience to deal with this kind of thing these days.
I usually try to stay calm and pretend I am listening, and not get angry when he tells me that neither my interests nor my education is usefull for anything, because if I get angry at him, he'll take his own anger out on Mom instead of talking to me.
The main problem is that he does not see me, or any of his children, as a person. We are his children and that makes us some sort of thing that can be and has to be formed in a way he wants it to be. But he decided, back when my parents married, that he would be the one to work and financially support the family and my Mom would raise the kids. And for her, even a kid is a person, a human being with certain rights, somebody you have to treat with respect.
So this was the way we were raised, making it even harder to deal with my Dad. And he blames her for turning us against him, and also supporting us against him whenever she tries to explain our position to him.
His behavior towards us hasn't changed at all, even though we have grown up. He can't see us as adults, he can never accept a position different from his own.
Perhaps somehow deep inside of him he realizes that he isn't right all the time, that would explain why he gets so upset if anybody tells him he's wrong. Especially if it is one of us kids, because we are supposed to stand in awe before his greatness and glory and see him as second only to god, and probably not even that, thinking that he's pretty much an atheist.
And he would never apologize, because that would mean admitting he was wrong.
I don't know what to do. I can't be the way he wants me to be, because then I wouldn't be me anymore.
Dammit!
