dream_labyrinth (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
dream_labyrinth) wrote2004-07-13 01:18 pm
dream_labyrinth) wrote2004-07-13 01:18 pm
Entry tags:
Lonely
Sometimes, I feel so alone I just curl up in my bed and cry.
And usually, there is no special reason for it. Mabye I'm manic-depressive, I don't know. When I feel down like that, nothing would really help.
It's not that I don't have friends. I do. Not many, but good friends. Some wouldn't mind if I called them in the middle of the night, either. But that is not what I miss.
It's simply the fact that I sleep alone, that I wake up alone, that there is nobody who shares my dreams and feelings. Sometimes I just want to cuddle up next to somebody at night, or see somebody I love when I wake up from a bad dream.
Sometimes I wish I could just go out on the street and throw myself into the arms of the first person who looks like he might be interested. But I'm not that crazy yet. And even though there have been times when I actually thought of suicide, I don't think I'd ever do that. So all that's left is lie in my bed and cry.
It's not that no man has ever been interested in me. I don't want to brag, but there have been a few, actually. The problem is not them, it's me. None of them was the kind of person I wouldn't forget as soon as I turn around. Only one made a big impression on me, and he is a memory I still cherish.
The thing that gets me down is that I somehow fear that I might never fall in love, that I'm not able to love somebody else more than myself. I have always been an egoist, and that has helped me to cope with problems I had. But what if that also is a problem itself? I don't think I could change that much.
So I feel lost and lonely and the only hope I have is that after a while, I'll be able to push these thoughts away and just get on with my life.
And usually, there is no special reason for it. Mabye I'm manic-depressive, I don't know. When I feel down like that, nothing would really help.
It's not that I don't have friends. I do. Not many, but good friends. Some wouldn't mind if I called them in the middle of the night, either. But that is not what I miss.
It's simply the fact that I sleep alone, that I wake up alone, that there is nobody who shares my dreams and feelings. Sometimes I just want to cuddle up next to somebody at night, or see somebody I love when I wake up from a bad dream.
Sometimes I wish I could just go out on the street and throw myself into the arms of the first person who looks like he might be interested. But I'm not that crazy yet. And even though there have been times when I actually thought of suicide, I don't think I'd ever do that. So all that's left is lie in my bed and cry.
It's not that no man has ever been interested in me. I don't want to brag, but there have been a few, actually. The problem is not them, it's me. None of them was the kind of person I wouldn't forget as soon as I turn around. Only one made a big impression on me, and he is a memory I still cherish.
The thing that gets me down is that I somehow fear that I might never fall in love, that I'm not able to love somebody else more than myself. I have always been an egoist, and that has helped me to cope with problems I had. But what if that also is a problem itself? I don't think I could change that much.
So I feel lost and lonely and the only hope I have is that after a while, I'll be able to push these thoughts away and just get on with my life.
whoa girly..
going to bed alone, and waking up alone can be a wonderful thing, as cheesy as that sounds. i'm engaged, and have been living with my fiance for almost 2 years now. i dont think i've had a decent night's sleep in those two years. i've slept on the couch a few times out of sheer despiration to get a few hours solid sleep. i love, LOVE, any chance i get to sprawl out on the bed in any position i want to, sleep through the entire night, and wake up right in the middle of the bed, even if im curled up in a ball and only really need one side.
don't be so hard on yourself, you're only, what, 22 years old if im doing the math right? you need to be dating- and just that. don't be worrying about wether this guy is the one, just go out and have a nice night out at dinner and a movie or something.
and let's get one thing straight: you dont have to love somebody more than yourself. when that happens, you forget the sense of who you are, and get lost in life. you need to find someone who loves YOU as you are.
(and yes, i hijacked your lj name and stuck you on my friends list, so i saw this post! *sticks tongue out*)
but really, if you dont want to talk to any of your friends or family about this, there are always people willing to listen. If you want to come bug me, please do. i've been in very lonely spots in my life before, and if anything, can just listen. i'm always online late night (here, i'm not sure what time that would be over there). you know my email address if all else fails.
cheer up hun. :-)
andrea
Re: whoa girly..
Yeah, I know suicide is a bad idea. It's nothing I'd ever do, either.
So you love to sleep alone sometimes. Great. But at least you have the choice.
The thing is, I'm not really one to go out dating. Sounds strange, but I don't really know how...
Re: whoa girly..
but just do the things you normally like to do and you tend to meet people who share those interests.
i was in a very small bookstore one day a few years ago looking at starwars books and some guy came up, started looking at them too, then started talking to me. i was too shy (and in a hurry) to realize, but he probably would have asked me out if i'd stayed and talked with him for a bit.
but dont stress about it.
andrea
Re: whoa girly..
no subject
(Anonymous) 2004-07-15 02:39 am (UTC)(link)- he who not only listens to Metal!