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dream_labyrinthSometimes, I feel so alone I just curl up in my bed and cry.
And usually, there is no special reason for it. Mabye I'm manic-depressive, I don't know. When I feel down like that, nothing would really help.
It's not that I don't have friends. I do. Not many, but good friends. Some wouldn't mind if I called them in the middle of the night, either. But that is not what I miss.
It's simply the fact that I sleep alone, that I wake up alone, that there is nobody who shares my dreams and feelings. Sometimes I just want to cuddle up next to somebody at night, or see somebody I love when I wake up from a bad dream.
Sometimes I wish I could just go out on the street and throw myself into the arms of the first person who looks like he might be interested. But I'm not that crazy yet. And even though there have been times when I actually thought of suicide, I don't think I'd ever do that. So all that's left is lie in my bed and cry.
It's not that no man has ever been interested in me. I don't want to brag, but there have been a few, actually. The problem is not them, it's me. None of them was the kind of person I wouldn't forget as soon as I turn around. Only one made a big impression on me, and he is a memory I still cherish.
The thing that gets me down is that I somehow fear that I might never fall in love, that I'm not able to love somebody else more than myself. I have always been an egoist, and that has helped me to cope with problems I had. But what if that also is a problem itself? I don't think I could change that much.
So I feel lost and lonely and the only hope I have is that after a while, I'll be able to push these thoughts away and just get on with my life.
And usually, there is no special reason for it. Mabye I'm manic-depressive, I don't know. When I feel down like that, nothing would really help.
It's not that I don't have friends. I do. Not many, but good friends. Some wouldn't mind if I called them in the middle of the night, either. But that is not what I miss.
It's simply the fact that I sleep alone, that I wake up alone, that there is nobody who shares my dreams and feelings. Sometimes I just want to cuddle up next to somebody at night, or see somebody I love when I wake up from a bad dream.
Sometimes I wish I could just go out on the street and throw myself into the arms of the first person who looks like he might be interested. But I'm not that crazy yet. And even though there have been times when I actually thought of suicide, I don't think I'd ever do that. So all that's left is lie in my bed and cry.
It's not that no man has ever been interested in me. I don't want to brag, but there have been a few, actually. The problem is not them, it's me. None of them was the kind of person I wouldn't forget as soon as I turn around. Only one made a big impression on me, and he is a memory I still cherish.
The thing that gets me down is that I somehow fear that I might never fall in love, that I'm not able to love somebody else more than myself. I have always been an egoist, and that has helped me to cope with problems I had. But what if that also is a problem itself? I don't think I could change that much.
So I feel lost and lonely and the only hope I have is that after a while, I'll be able to push these thoughts away and just get on with my life.
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Re: whoa girly..
Date: 2004-07-14 01:56 am (UTC)Yeah, I know suicide is a bad idea. It's nothing I'd ever do, either.
So you love to sleep alone sometimes. Great. But at least you have the choice.
The thing is, I'm not really one to go out dating. Sounds strange, but I don't really know how...
Re: whoa girly..
Date: 2004-07-14 08:29 am (UTC)but just do the things you normally like to do and you tend to meet people who share those interests.
i was in a very small bookstore one day a few years ago looking at starwars books and some guy came up, started looking at them too, then started talking to me. i was too shy (and in a hurry) to realize, but he probably would have asked me out if i'd stayed and talked with him for a bit.
but dont stress about it.
andrea
Re: whoa girly..