behind the veil

[dream_labyrinth]

Several times over the past few days, I was given the impression that my presence was appreciated.
That always makes me happy, often more happy than is logical. (The fact that somebody doesn't get up immediately when I sit down at the same table is no reason for exxagerated grins, it's likely simple politeness.)

But it also makes me wonder why people would want me around.

I feel like I am just pretending to be something I am not, I somehow manage to give people the impression I am nice and friendly and interesting, but it's all lies.
And sooner or later people will realise I am just a fraud and they will turn away.

And when I meet new people, some of them give me the impression that they know. They are friendly and nice, but there is something about them that makes me think they know I'm just pretending, and they keep me on the edge and have me worried about if or rather when they will unmask me and will show everybody the ugly reality of what I am.

Comments

[mrwitch.livejournal.com]

You shouldn't be so hard on yourself.

Maybe i'm just a naive fool bumbling into your treacherous web of deciet but, to me, you seem remarkable.

So there. ;p

[dream-labyrinth.livejournal.com]

When I'm feeling positive and optimistic, I make myself think I feel like that only because I never really had friends before, that it's got nothing to do with my actual character.
But I don't feel that sort of optimistic often.

On the other hand, whatever you might be, I wouldn't call you naive...
;-D