behind the veil

[dream_labyrinth]

Several times over the past few days, I was given the impression that my presence was appreciated.
That always makes me happy, often more happy than is logical. (The fact that somebody doesn't get up immediately when I sit down at the same table is no reason for exxagerated grins, it's likely simple politeness.)

But it also makes me wonder why people would want me around.

I feel like I am just pretending to be something I am not, I somehow manage to give people the impression I am nice and friendly and interesting, but it's all lies.
And sooner or later people will realise I am just a fraud and they will turn away.

And when I meet new people, some of them give me the impression that they know. They are friendly and nice, but there is something about them that makes me think they know I'm just pretending, and they keep me on the edge and have me worried about if or rather when they will unmask me and will show everybody the ugly reality of what I am.

Comments

[mrwitch.livejournal.com]

You shouldn't be so hard on yourself.

Maybe i'm just a naive fool bumbling into your treacherous web of deciet but, to me, you seem remarkable.

So there. ;p

[dream-labyrinth.livejournal.com]

When I'm feeling positive and optimistic, I make myself think I feel like that only because I never really had friends before, that it's got nothing to do with my actual character.
But I don't feel that sort of optimistic often.

On the other hand, whatever you might be, I wouldn't call you naive...
;-D

[call-me-harmony.livejournal.com]

"I feel like I am just pretending to be something I am not, I somehow manage to give people the impression I am nice and friendly and interesting, but it's all lies.
And sooner or later people will realise I am just a fraud and they will turn away."

A familiar feeling. If you promise not to catch me out I won't try and catch you out.

Seriously though I think it's self-esteem issues.

[dream-labyrinth.livejournal.com]

:-)
Probably, but usually I am told I have way too much self-esteem and self-confidence, so it doesn't make a lot of sense for me to feel that way.

[wolflady26.livejournal.com]

They probably want to hang out with you for approximately the same reasons that you want to hang out with them. For companionship, for conversation, for fun.

I always have a lot of fun when you're around, and not because I want you to jump through any hoops or anything.

[dream-labyrinth.livejournal.com]

I guess it's just weird to think anybody might think it's fun to hang out with me. It's not as if I am that much of an interesting, funny person.

[linnapaw.livejournal.com]

Your presence is appreciated by anyone with half a brain. :) (Well, if they know what is good for them!)

Don't give in to the voice telling you it is all lies, because that is the voice lying... And there are some people who really will not turn away no matter what. I guess that is a lot of what love is really about. And, being one of my dear, dear friends, I love you.

[dream-labyrinth.livejournal.com]

:-)
Thanks.

Somehow, I am so used to people not liking me that I can never trust them if they do.