May. 31st, 2006

So.
Lately, it seems there's always something keeping me from my actual work that is also considered work.
Yesterday, there was a very interesting report given by a US major who was in Iraq on the main problems of trying to get peace and some sort of stability into the region.
It made me see some things a lot clearer. It is easy to sit back on your couch and think "Jeez, the Americans really should get going - looks like they have no idea what they're doing!" But then you get the chance to listen to first-hand experiences and you really realise how the distance blurs the real problems.
And looking at some numbers of how much money was invested by the Americans on reconstructing teh infrastructure - it's just amazing. The guy said they usually don't tell much about what they're building, because chances are the stuff gets occupied by terrorists a while later and then they'll go back and destroy it again, and try to explain that to a taxpayer. It's understandable, though it means they miss a lot of opportunity for good publicity.
He also explained how difficult it is for the soldiers down there, doing stuff they're not really trained for concerning logistics, CIMIC (civil-military cooperation), contracting and all that.
I had wanted for the whole time to ask him whether he thought the Americans should have deployed more troops, but then I didn't. Just seemed a bit too much of a touchy problem.

The good thing was that Katrin and I were for some reason invited to the lunch afterwards, where we were totally out of place - but I got to talk to our American liaison officer a bit. The liaison officers are the perfect people to know to get your hands on literature and journals from their respective countries, so this was perfect. And he has the funniest accent both in his English and his German, as his mother is Swiss.

Then today, our major did an introduction for the whole group on what everybody's doing. The group I belong to, appropriately named the Support Group, consists of way over 100 people in all kinds of different functions in different departments of the school, and usually we barely know we belong together. So that was very interesting. Afterwards, there was a little get together and then Katrin and I went back to work to get some work done - and I need some distraction until 8:15 tonight anyway. (Three episodes of CSI today, including the Quentin Tarantino season finale!)

The huge news is that last week, I got a letter from the personnel department. If they get the money, if I pass the medical and if the staff council agrees, I am going to become a civil servant on probation. If then I don't do anything really stupid, I am likely going to become a civil servant for life once I turn 27. And even if I don't, it'd mean a safe job even after October!
I do hope it turns out alright, but I don't want to get my hopes up too high in case anything goes wrong.

My knee still isn't perfect, but it's better. In fencing lesson yesterday, we learnt the first real feints and parees, it's starting to look like we know what we're doing. (Of course we don't, but anyway...) And one of the teachers told the kids we're training with that our posture is better than theirs, even tough we only just started learning. It isn't true, but it sounds good. Tehee.

I'm kind of restless lately.
In an attempt to feel better about reading all those cheesy novels, I went and bought one in English. I also got a Terry Pratchett and enjoyed it so much I want to buy another one this weekend. Disc World is so much fun!
Tomorrow is my Mom's birthday and I have no idea what I could give her when I come home Friday. Likely a book, but I don't know when I'll be able to go to a bookstore, with choir tomorrow, and you can't really browse well on amazon, not like you can in real stores.
Two things I wanted to say also:
I am afraid of teenagers. It is totally irrational, especially since I am no teeanger myself anymore. It's not that I am afraid they will attack me physically, it's that I fear their looks and comments and just everything about them.

Secondly, I seem to be unable to deal with people wanting to spend time with me. If Alexandra asks me if we could hang out together, maybe go to that place in Bad Kissingen that we both really like, or go to a concert, or whatever, I am always searching for some hidden motive, some scheme. I apparently cannot accept that people maybe just like me. I can't even write it without thinking "Yeah right, as if they would!"
I am so messed up.

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