Whining

F**k you, Mr. B!
That's the guy at the unemployment agency. He convinced me to do a certain training to learn how to write nice applications and what to say in job interviews and whatnot. I thought it over and emailed him Wednesday that I would do it, and asked fo more information. Unimportant stuff like when it's going to start. And did not a get any information!
He didn't answer my email. I called on Friday, but it was past 1 and of course he wasn't in his office anymore. I asked to be called back. He started working this morning at eight or 8:30, but still no message. I called again and left another message.
If that is how these guys work even with such a simple situation, no wonder the unemployment is that high!

I don't really have anything to do. My sister is really getting on my nerves. Critizising my internet use, my work or non-work, the fact that the telephone bill this month is pretty high because of me, pretty much my whole existence, in this smiling way of hers that makes me look silly if I become aggressive, because she seems to be just making a little joke.
So I am trying hard to stay calm. But my whole situation is stressing me out. I can deal with three exams a week, I can deal with a lot of work, but I simply cannot deal with sitting around doing nothing. I thought about enlisting for some volunteer work, but that usually is for longer periods of time, and most of the projects involve kids. And I don't know whether I will be in this situation for another week, two weeks, a month or probably six months. I can't plan on anything for October, because maybe I am not here anymore in October.
And the last thing I need right now is my sister making a little joke. It started this morning as soon as I came downstairs. This time about cooking. Mom said that I could cook lunch today. I said I didn't want to. (Talked about my reluctance to cook for more people than ust myself before.) And then my sister goes something like "Oh, you'll starve if you don't find work in a place with a cafeteria." with that smile and this disparaging look. I stayed calm, more or less, but I couldn't stay quiet. So I said something like "Thank you very much for your contribution." and went on ignoring her, which made her angry, but as she didn't find a good way to slash back, so she left. Whatever. I am tired of having her treat me as if I was five. Yes, she is my older sister. But I am 22 for, heaven's sake. And while she is still studying, I am done and looking for a job.
Funny, actually. We both have a feeling of inferiority when the other is around, I think. That is why we get along pretty good when she's in Berlin and I am home.
Her interfering in the telephone bill thing made me even more angry. Yes, I spend a lot of time on the internet, and that is why I pretty much doubled the bill since I am home all day. But that is a problem between Mom and me. And I transfer money to my Mom to pay my share. Not K.'s business!
She's a lot like my Dad, actually. But she would kill anybody who says that aloud.

My peace of mind is very shaky right now, that is all. I feel like crying a lot. Usually it takes at least a sad story or movie to make me cry, now I could just cry for no reason at all. These past days with my sister and brother-in-law, and my Grandma and our "uncle" (the son of a friend of my Mom's mother, to be quite correct. The younger kids call him "uncle", my sister and older brother nd my parents by his first name.) He is a bachelor and a scientist, and he often reminds me of some cliché scietist. So wrapped up in his work and world, and he hobbies he has, that is all he can talk about. My Grandma all dwelling in her youth, telling us stories about how it was here in the thirties. And my father correcting her all the time. He's born in the 50s, make you wonder how he knows.
And my sister being her usual self on top of that.
I can't wait to move out and only come home for special occasions.
This morning, I had the sudden urge to hit somebody. I am not usually a very violent person, and this really scared me. I get upset quickly, but I don't want to really hurt somebody. I need a break.
K and Y are leaving today, after that we can go back to normal. If that doesn't help, half an hour with my brother's punching ball should do.
Also, a good night's sleep would be helpful. But I go to bed late these days and always wake up several times during the night.
Lack of things to occupy my mind during the day, I suppose. But really concentrating on anything is impossible, too. I have started typing some of my notes from 4 years of university, so that I can throw out the paper. But even that takes some sort of concentration which I just can't get together.
I should go for a long walk tonight, just me and my cassette player.
And I should practice the clarinet sometime today. Another lesson this afternoon. Not that I feel like that, either.

HP fanfic - I wish

In their seventh year in Hogwarts, Harry, Ron and Hermione beat Voldemort. Harry dies, Ron ends up in St. Mungo's. Everybody else goes pretty much back to normal, non-Voldemort life. Hermione can't accept that people start forgetting and not caring about the people who suffered and died so quickly. Dissapointed by the wizard world, she decides to live as a Muggle, mostly denying her abilities and ignoring any magic she might encounter.
Years later, Snape comes by and confronts her.

This idea came to my mind today. I wish I was better at writing fanfic, I think this could really be a good start on something.
Probably should find an HP fanfic community and put it up for grabs.

posted to bore - if I am bored, why spare you?

what's wrong with music these days. I mean the stuff you get on the radio and the rare times MTV and VIVA actually live up their aim of being music television.
We just had Dragostea din tei, a conpletely senseless but funny Romanian song. Perfect for summer. In the charts twice. The original that was only popular in Romania when in came out last year, and a cover by a Romanian-born woman living in Italy. Who kind of made it look like a serious song, which sucked.
The original version had been top of the German charts for 14 weeks, the cover version was in the top ten for a while but was gotten rid of several weeks ago.
And now, as that song is finally not on 1 anymore, there is another double song. It's called Obsecion, and again, one version 5th and one 1st. Scary.
As for the rest, there are the fighting women, best represented by Anastacia at the moment. I really like Sick & tired. And there are the whining men. I don't wanna know, Fuck you, I don't want you back, what's wrong with these guys? Incidently, the second song got us another funny story from the music business, as his ex-girlfriend wrote lyrics to the same melody to get her side of the story out. Named Fuck you right back. Of course, he made money from that, too. And now he came up with Fuck you right back back. Nobody say these people suffer from lack of imagination.
But back to the whining, is that really something anybody wants to hear? If your girlfriend sleeps around, dump her or deal with it, but don't bother us with writing a friggin song about it!
And then all these small kids. Teenagers who were either "discovered" in some kind of Starsearch thing or just knowing people in the right places. And as if that wasn't bad enough, they need to cover really good songs. The Preluders (the girlgroup of a casting competition that had boys against girls) lost all my support when they decided to abuse Losing my religion. This song was not meant to be sung by a bunch of kids whose greatest problem in life is whether this year's boots can be worn with next year's pants.
I've pretty much given up on radio. I copy my favorite CDs on tape to listen to in the car, and there is one radio station where chances are high you get some good music. Everytime that happens, it makes me feel like a gold digger who just found something sparkly. Maybe you hit it big, but maybe it's just this grain.