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this, that, and something else
Aug. 7th, 2004 05:12 pmIt is way too hot to do anything. And I don't. Nothing important, at least. I spend hours playing around on my computer.
Quite some time ago, I have decided to play every single game of Freecell. I'm up to number 927 now. I also have gathered a number of games I didn't solve. I get back to them regularly and try again. But it still looks as if this is going to be a task for the rest of my life. I take breaks playing spider solitaire or the regular solitaire. But it still isn't a very exciting way of passing time.
Today I also had an idea for another story. Acually, I had some thoughts about it in my mind for severaldays, but found a way to begin today. I just need to keep the other ideas in my mind until I have developped the story far enough. It might be one of the longest stories I ever wrote - if I manage to pull it through til the end. But as I don't have much else to do, chances are good.
I have two letters of application all ready lying on my desk, but I've decided to add anoher sentence before sending them out. But that's not urgent, deadline is mid-August for one and early September for the other. I don't know why I hate it so much to write and send these letters. You'd think it gets better after a while, but if it does, I haven't written enough to get to that point.
My last application was answered with a very friendly letter telling me to please be patient as the process of chosing a candidate would take some time and thank you very much for your interest. Disgusting! I mean, nothing against them telling me it'll take some time, but this waiting is the worst thing that can happen. At least they didn't send my stuff right back as somebody else did. Well, the University library in Siegen will be sorry for turning me down without even really reading my CV or anything. (They can't have, because I got everything back so fast I'm surprised they managed to open the letter.)
Anyway, I got a call from the place where I did one of my internships, an information center of the army. I applied for a job in another one, and they had been asked to rate all applicants. They promised me to tell only good things about me, and when they called this week they really gave me hope that I might get the job. I still don't want to act too sure about it, I might still fail. But it doesn't give me the impression that applying for jobs has to have top priority. I know it should, though. It is most likely that I will be unemployed for at least one month, and I'm not happy with that. I have been picky about where to apply, not going for anything really short-term, like 5 months or so, and also not going for part-time jobs. There's nothing around here, so I could still live with my parents. That means wherever I go I need to be able to live off the money I make. I don't intend to dine out every hight or live in a large apartment with swimmingpool sized bathtub or anything, but I still think I can't live off 50% of the usual salary for a full-time librarian. This is not a job to get rich with. And I don't have a significant other to share the costs. Sharing apartments isn't a very good solution for me, either. I'd be hell to live with.
I tell myslf over and over again that it is important to find a job. I don't like it if my day is not structured in any way and I don't have anything to do to keep my mind occupied and put to use all the things I learned. This week, I went to the sports studio again after being incredibly lazy the weeks before. That helped quite a bit to feel more comfortable with myself again.
As my brother is on vacation, I use his empty room to do some dancing in the evening. I open up all the windows in my room to let some fresh air in, and then switch of the lights there. I still get bugs in my room, but not as much. But then I can't do anything there, reading or stitching, or even dancing - I'd hit my furniture all the time or stumble over things lying on the floor (I never claimed to be tidy). So I go to my brother's and use his CD player and dance a bit. I need that to feel comfortable in my body. I like it when I'm sweating because I do something, not just because it's warm outside.
I spend most of the day in rooms with curtains closed to let as little sun in as possible. That's not good for my mood. It feels like winter depression in the middle of summer. I could go out into the garden, but on weekends dad works there and will surely give me some stuff to do if he sees me. And I don't want to do garden work. At least not with him standing around telling me I'm doing it all wrong and how to hold whatever tool I'm working with. That is the same person who taught me how to do these things in the first place. It's quite funny, actually. My dad is left-handed, but was trained to be right-handed, as was common in GDR. So he writes with his right hand, but works with the left. As I learned from him, I can work with my left as well as with my right hand. Quite an interesting talent, even though it would be more impressive to write with both hands. I've tried that, too, but the results were terrible. I do so much on the computer these days, I suppose even writing with my right hand would look like a legasthenic. But then again, it'll come back to me when I start handwriting again.
Speaking of starting, I think I'll start doing something slightly more sensible and take my bike out and go for a ride. Just to give me a dose of sunlight.
Quite some time ago, I have decided to play every single game of Freecell. I'm up to number 927 now. I also have gathered a number of games I didn't solve. I get back to them regularly and try again. But it still looks as if this is going to be a task for the rest of my life. I take breaks playing spider solitaire or the regular solitaire. But it still isn't a very exciting way of passing time.
Today I also had an idea for another story. Acually, I had some thoughts about it in my mind for severaldays, but found a way to begin today. I just need to keep the other ideas in my mind until I have developped the story far enough. It might be one of the longest stories I ever wrote - if I manage to pull it through til the end. But as I don't have much else to do, chances are good.
I have two letters of application all ready lying on my desk, but I've decided to add anoher sentence before sending them out. But that's not urgent, deadline is mid-August for one and early September for the other. I don't know why I hate it so much to write and send these letters. You'd think it gets better after a while, but if it does, I haven't written enough to get to that point.
My last application was answered with a very friendly letter telling me to please be patient as the process of chosing a candidate would take some time and thank you very much for your interest. Disgusting! I mean, nothing against them telling me it'll take some time, but this waiting is the worst thing that can happen. At least they didn't send my stuff right back as somebody else did. Well, the University library in Siegen will be sorry for turning me down without even really reading my CV or anything. (They can't have, because I got everything back so fast I'm surprised they managed to open the letter.)
Anyway, I got a call from the place where I did one of my internships, an information center of the army. I applied for a job in another one, and they had been asked to rate all applicants. They promised me to tell only good things about me, and when they called this week they really gave me hope that I might get the job. I still don't want to act too sure about it, I might still fail. But it doesn't give me the impression that applying for jobs has to have top priority. I know it should, though. It is most likely that I will be unemployed for at least one month, and I'm not happy with that. I have been picky about where to apply, not going for anything really short-term, like 5 months or so, and also not going for part-time jobs. There's nothing around here, so I could still live with my parents. That means wherever I go I need to be able to live off the money I make. I don't intend to dine out every hight or live in a large apartment with swimmingpool sized bathtub or anything, but I still think I can't live off 50% of the usual salary for a full-time librarian. This is not a job to get rich with. And I don't have a significant other to share the costs. Sharing apartments isn't a very good solution for me, either. I'd be hell to live with.
I tell myslf over and over again that it is important to find a job. I don't like it if my day is not structured in any way and I don't have anything to do to keep my mind occupied and put to use all the things I learned. This week, I went to the sports studio again after being incredibly lazy the weeks before. That helped quite a bit to feel more comfortable with myself again.
As my brother is on vacation, I use his empty room to do some dancing in the evening. I open up all the windows in my room to let some fresh air in, and then switch of the lights there. I still get bugs in my room, but not as much. But then I can't do anything there, reading or stitching, or even dancing - I'd hit my furniture all the time or stumble over things lying on the floor (I never claimed to be tidy). So I go to my brother's and use his CD player and dance a bit. I need that to feel comfortable in my body. I like it when I'm sweating because I do something, not just because it's warm outside.
I spend most of the day in rooms with curtains closed to let as little sun in as possible. That's not good for my mood. It feels like winter depression in the middle of summer. I could go out into the garden, but on weekends dad works there and will surely give me some stuff to do if he sees me. And I don't want to do garden work. At least not with him standing around telling me I'm doing it all wrong and how to hold whatever tool I'm working with. That is the same person who taught me how to do these things in the first place. It's quite funny, actually. My dad is left-handed, but was trained to be right-handed, as was common in GDR. So he writes with his right hand, but works with the left. As I learned from him, I can work with my left as well as with my right hand. Quite an interesting talent, even though it would be more impressive to write with both hands. I've tried that, too, but the results were terrible. I do so much on the computer these days, I suppose even writing with my right hand would look like a legasthenic. But then again, it'll come back to me when I start handwriting again.
Speaking of starting, I think I'll start doing something slightly more sensible and take my bike out and go for a ride. Just to give me a dose of sunlight.
