Firstly, I'd like to note that I am a cruel person.

A mouse just recently came to our dog in a clearly suicidal fashion. However, I did not save it and kill it in a quick, mercyful way but rather let the dog kill it and only disposed of the body later on. Apparently, mice are interesting to play with but don't taste very well. At least to our dog.

In other news, I just watched Rhythm is it, about a project of Sir Simon Rattle to get 250 kids from schools in Berlin to do a dance performance of Strawinski's "Sacre du printemps". Most of the kids had never danced before. They were kids that nobody thought would do anything special. At the first rehearsal, they couldn't even shut up for long enough to understand what the choreographer was telling them what to do. Some of the kids spoke little German, and now there was Royston Maldoom telling them in English to shut up and do what he told them.
And it worked. These kids, slowly, with many setbacks, learnt not only the dance performance, but they learnt that hard work yields results, they became more comfortable with their own bodies, they changed.

The film was very interesting. For example, four kids from one school were, in the opinion of Royston and the other dance instructor, good enough to join one of the other dance groups as well, one that did more professional parts.
And the school teachers of these kids were all like Oh, I don't think that is a good idea, it's so dangerous for them to go into another part of Berlin after dark...
Of course, the teachers have an interest to protect their pupils. But it seemed they were doing that so much that they kept the kids away from what they could achieve. There was another very interesting scene, when one teacher told Royston to be nicer, to explain step-by-step what the kids should do, while he was trying to give them space to interpret what he told them, and find a way that was comfortable for them to do the movements. The teacher explained in an interview that she thought it was too difficult for the kids, they had reached their limit. And then there was another interview with one of the participants, who said that all the kids had still room to grow, that just needed to be pushed a little but further, they had not reached their limit at all.

Also, one of the dance instructors said she wanted to give them a chance to leave behind their everyday problems. Because then they would have the opportunity to put those problems into perspective. And it seemed to work.

It was really interesting to see.

Schools in Berlin are notorious for having horrible, unbehaved, violent kids. And suddenly, they stand in line, not talking, learning about discipline, getting a feel for their bodies, and they're enjoying it.
And Royston was by no means nice to them. He likely wasn't nearly as strict as he would have been with professional dancers, but he told them what's what, and there was one moment when everything was close to falling apart - but the kids decided they wanted to keep going, they wanted to do this.

It seemed as if the teachers had resigned themselves to be content if the kids weren't murdering each other. And here comes this guy who not only expects them not to murder each other, he also exoects a ton of other things. But he treated them like people with an opinion, people who had potential and people in whom he believed. He didn't act like they were the outcasts and he was the nice person to sacrifice time and effort to deal with them. He didn't act like he had just gotten down from some pedestal to talk to them.

He also said a great many very wise things. Early on, when the task was just to walk around in the gym making as little noise as posible (these kids starting talking the moment they started moving), he also started seperating friends, telling them to move into different directions for a while. Later on, when things were going badly because some people were just not taking it seriously, he told them that if they were making fun of everything because they were afraid of what their friends would say, they should probably start thinking about what kind of friends they had, because friends were people who supported you when you tried something new in your life, not people who made fun of you.

There was one girl in the group, one of the kids invited to join the other class as well. Very early on, she was interviewed about her family - her parents divorced when she was ten or so - and she had this typical expression on her face, the one that tries to make everyone believe she doesn't care anyway. She and her best friend were invited to that other group, and at the last moment her friend said she didn't want to go, she didn't have the time, she wanted to meet friends. And she went alone. Into a different part of town, to people she had never seen before, people with more dance experience, who were older, who came from better families and werebetter educated. At first, she felt totally lost. But she decided to stay. Because she wanted to do it.

Then there was this 16 year old boy from Nigeria. His parents were both dead, he said, and he had come to Germany alone. In the interview about his background, he said this one line that totally made me cry: "God wants me to be alone, so I have to get by on my own. Because I have to live." What sort of history must a kid have to say such a thing?
He also said that when it came to culture, Nigeria was much better, because culture was something that was with the people, whereas in Germany, there was no culture.

That went well with something Rattle said: we turned art into something that happens apart from our lives, for exclusive groups, away from everyday life.

Which explains why in Germany, so many orchestras and theatres are slowly dying because the governments of the provinces can't or won't finance them anymore, and they can't support themselves without that money.

It was obvious in the reactions of the teenagers to the music. Some listened to it beforehand and didn't really like it. Then they saw the orchestra play, and suddenly they felt the power, the energy.
I always thought that to really feel and understand music, you have to take part in it. Dancing, singing, playing - just seeing it from the inside.

Am I saying that once you give people instruments or teach them to dance, they'll all become healthy and successfull and there will be eternal peace on earth?
Surely not.
But give them the opportunity to see something outside their usual realm, give them the chance to learn, to feel, to put some distance between themselves and their problems, teach them confidence and give them the idea that there is probably more to life than they think, and you give them the chance to go and become healthy and successfull and maybe even stop fighting.

ETA: Here's a quote from the interview with Ryston Maldoom that I really liked (the whole interview is great, you can read it on the website under the "Background" section)
I really care about discipline. However much we may try to pretend that discipline is unimportant, this is not fair to them, because in life we need discipline. Whatever we think about it. Very often it begins by coming from outside, imposed, and then it must become our own discipline. Without it none of us has any kind of future. And we have to be honest with these young people, discipline matters! If you want to do something, than you have to find discipline. And I insist on this from the beginning. It's the only fair way to treat a young person.


Jan. 14th, 2006 06:36 pm
I am a goddess! )

Also, [ profile] jonthedull linked an interesting site of somebody comparing the USA to Germany. I wouldn't agree with everything, but many things make sense. [ profile] wolflady26 and [ profile] linnapaw might find it interesting, seeing as they have the exact opposite experience. (Being American and living in Germany as opposed to being German and living in the USA)


Jul. 13th, 2004 01:18 pm
Sometimes, I feel so alone I just curl up in my bed and cry.
And usually, there is no special reason for it. Mabye I'm manic-depressive, I don't know. When I feel down like that, nothing would really help.
It's not that I don't have friends. I do. Not many, but good friends. Some wouldn't mind if I called them in the middle of the night, either. But that is not what I miss.
It's simply the fact that I sleep alone, that I wake up alone, that there is nobody who shares my dreams and feelings. Sometimes I just want to cuddle up next to somebody at night, or see somebody I love when I wake up from a bad dream.
Sometimes I wish I could just go out on the street and throw myself into the arms of the first person who looks like he might be interested. But I'm not that crazy yet. And even though there have been times when I actually thought of suicide, I don't think I'd ever do that. So all that's left is lie in my bed and cry.
It's not that no man has ever been interested in me. I don't want to brag, but there have been a few, actually. The problem is not them, it's me. None of them was the kind of person I wouldn't forget as soon as I turn around. Only one made a big impression on me, and he is a memory I still cherish.
The thing that gets me down is that I somehow fear that I might never fall in love, that I'm not able to love somebody else more than myself. I have always been an egoist, and that has helped me to cope with problems I had. But what if that also is a problem itself? I don't think I could change that much.
So I feel lost and lonely and the only hope I have is that after a while, I'll be able to push these thoughts away and just get on with my life.
I saw an interesting job ad last week and decided to apply.
And now I know what I hate most: to write letters of application. I'm just not very good at this type of bragging. Don't get me wrong, I do brag - a lot, usually. But I don't usually write it down. And to tell a complete stranger that I am perfect for whatever they want, when somewhere deep inside I know I'm not makes me feel insecure. What happens if I mess up and they hold that letter in my face telling me 'you said you could do that!'
Yeah, I know I did. That was the only chance for me to get the job in the first place. But that doesn't mean it's true.
But I have to write all that stuff, because whoever reads these letters cuts out half of the bragging to come up with what the applicant truly knows. So if I write the truth, I'll end up as the absolute loser.
I asked a friend who is working in the same business whether she thought I could do that job. I worked with her during an internship, so she knows what I can and can't do. She encouraged me, but somebody else who knows the company told that it would most likely be a bad job - in a small town in the middle of nowhere, not much of a social life, far away from my hometown. It will also be a job with lots of responsibility. While it is great to work without having a boss look over your shoulder all the time, for someone who just starts working it might be better to have somebody you can ask for help.
I decided to send the application anyway. There will be time enough to panic if I actually get the job.
How's that for optimism?
I guess I was just depressed this afternoon. So after writing my last entry, I actually got up and did some laundry. Just the picture of my brother walking up to his drill sergeant on monday and saying "Sorry that I'm not wearing my uniform, my sister didn't feel like doing housework this weekend." kind of made it sound like a nice idea. And then I got my camera and went for a walk. The weather is beautiful and quite warm, but I still decided to put on my winter boots and a jacket - I don't have the time to get seriously ill right now.
That walk made me realize once again how beautiful my surroundings are. I don't care too much for people and houses, so I went out in the country. There is a little river close by, and every time I came too close to that, I heard the frogs escape into the water. With spring turning to summer, everything is green. All kinds of flowers are blooming, attracting insects of all sizes.
I ended up crawling through the ruins of an old - well, I guess mansion would be the word. It used to be a large house of a rich family once. I never actually saw anybody live there. For a while, a gang of teenagers used it as their "headquarter", and either they or another gang burned it down. It may or may not have been an accident, I don't think anybody ever found out or cared to do so. Since there is no roof anymore and the floors upstairs have fallen down, nobody goes there anymore. There is something like a courtyard, you have to find a way through all kinds of weeds growing up to my waist to get there. But it certainly was worth it. There were several bushes of blackberries or raspberries (no fruit to tell me exactly what it was) blooming, and insects from flies to bees were buzzing around. I even saw a hornet. Right in the middle of it all there was a small bird. Protected by the thorns from any predator, and food flying right up to his beak. I guess that is how bird paradise looks like.
As a human, I felt like an intruder and a little bit like guest. As if the animals were telling me "Do what you want here but don't bother us. You are in our world now."
Seeing the plants slowly taking back the ground they lost when the house was built made me feel small and unimportant. It reminded me that I'm just a small part of nature, and one that doesn't serve a real purpose. I mean, nature would get along very well without us humans but we couldn't live without nature.
Apparently, many people didn't get any of these feelings around that place. I saw waste bags somebody had thrown into an old shed. There was an old TV in what might have been the backyard, beer cans and cigarette boxes. Really made me wonder whether these people deserve to get to places like that. Clearly they don't appreciate their existence. And it is no excuse to say that they just didn't think. Because if you take your garbage somewhere else, you know exactly what you are doing. And it is just not possible to live without thinking, or at least it shouldn't be.
But I shouldn't go on like that. I really enjoyed my walk. The sun did me a lot of good. I calmed down and relaxed and I'm ready for a nice evening now.
How come there is no translation for really interesting words of the English language?
Ever since I saw the "Dogma" movie, I have liked the word serendipity. But there is no German word for it. The writers of dictionaries are sissies, really! Instead of trying to find a translation, they just don't put the word in there. I had to take my monolingual English dictionary to find it.
I just opened my English-German dictionary at random. And what do I find? "highball" - whisky with soda. Who cares about that?? Certainly not me. I don't even drink alcohol.
Let's try again: "fatally". And a third time: "hit-and-run"
I don't seem to be very lucky today. Looks like a lack of - well - serendipity.
Anyway, that wasn't what I wanted to talk about.
Actually, I had planned on writing about fairy tales. For a long time, I haven't read any. But there was one I couldn't get out of my mind. It's one of the Grimm brothers' tales, König Drosselbart ("Drossel" is thrush, my dictionary says, and "Bart" means beard, "König" is king - but I don't know the English title of it.) The reason I have been thinking about it was that I don't believe it to be the whole story. So after I think years of thinking about it, I finally decided to write down my own version of it.
Please tell me that this does not sound absolutely crazy. ("manure" my dictionary says on the page that flapped open a second ago. I really should take that book out of the way before I get totally depressed.)
I have been addicted to fairy tales for all my life. At least to some of them. Sleeping Beauty and Cinderella never were my favorites. Even though there are some great adaptions of Cinderella out there. (One of the best is "Ella enchanted" - don't ask me who the author is, I have forgotten) I prefer the tales were the princess is a little more than beautiful. Being not drop-dead gorgeous myself, I prefer them to have a little brain, too. There is a Romanian fairy tale about a princess who fights a dragon to get back the sun he has stolen (because her stupid father had not paid the dragon for helping his wife to have a child when he saw that the child was only a daughter...) That one I really like. What I don't like in Cinderella is that she just lets everything happen to her without doing anything. Now, does that make sense? Why run to the tree on her mother's grave and cry? Why doesn't she just take a dress from her sisters and go to the ball anyway? Why always depend on somebody else to help you? What kind of message is that??
I admit it, I never dressed up as princess as a child. If I remember correctly, I prefered to be an Indian. But maybe that was because I wouldn't have been very convincing as princess. And you can't climb trees wearing these stupid long skirts. I guess I would be considered more of a tomboy. But I guess I grew out of it. Today, I don't wish to be a boy anymore. It's kind of fun to be a girl...
Anyway, I think fairy tales are a great way of getting kids to read. And these stories usually have a message. If I would have kids, I guess I would chose carefully which fairy tales to give them. But I don't believe the people who say that fairy tales harm children. What is so harmful in reading about fairies, dragons, knights and princesses? Or let's put it the other way around: is it better to believe in the Teletubbies and the characters from Sesame Street, Bob the Builder or the Bear in the Big Blue House? Or Spongebob??
I have kept all of my fairy tale books. (and some of my sister's - I hope she never wants them back) From time to time, when I feel lonely and sad, I read a tale I like to cheer me up. I write fairy tales myself. In normal life, I usually put up a rather negative point of view. (An optimist is somebody who doesn't have all the information...) But when nobody sees me, the little child comes out, the one that believes in the Knight in shining armour, Prince Charming and that some frog may be a prince. Of course, that does have an influence on my life. It has me waiting for my Knight for quite a while now. But I'm not so desperate to settle for anything less than a fairy tale kind of "true love". If I haven't found it until I'm 50, maybe I'll try one of the "widowers, 60 years old, younger looking..." you find in the ads in the paper. But until then, I'd rather keep my illusions. They are nice to live with. And if I don't believe in love, how am I supposed to recognize it when I find it?
Today, I came across a quote that seems to hold a lot of truth:
Frauen haben heute mehr Rechte.
Mehr Macht hatten sie früher.
In my own translation:
Today women have more rights.
In they past, they had more power.
It's by Charles Aznavour. OK, so he's a man. But that doesn't mean he's wrong. I have heard that the Swiss women didn't fight for suffrage because they had their husbands so well in hand that the men voted for whatever the women wanted anyway.
Today, some men don't open doors for women anymore. They don't help you put your coat on. With the whole emancipation thing, I think we confused many men so much that they don't know what to do anymore. They don't want to give us the impression that we are weak ore something, but I personally wouldn't mind having a man come over to help me to check the pressure on my car's tires. Unfortunately, it never happens to me. Maybe I look too emancipated, or so young that men think I can do it on my own. Which is true. But these things are not a question of being able to. Some things I just don't like to do. Working on a car is one of them. Or working with machines, from lawn mower to chain saw. I did all that, as my father deemed it necessary for all of his kids to be able to do these things. But I would never refuse any help offered.
Today there was an article in the newspaper. Something about too few women in top positions. The secretary for women, family and social affairs or whatever her title is said that women apparently are not willing to put 150% of their energy into business. Her consequence was that we should let men do more work at home with the children.
Now let me get this straight: Even if we don't want to, we should leave our kids at home with our husbands or boyfriends and become managers of our companies???
If a woman prefers to have a career instead of kids, why not let her do it wihtout making a fuss over it. And the other way round: if a woman decides to give up work and stay home with the kids, don't treat her like some kind of monster, stabbing generations of fighters for women's rights in the back.
Same for men.
THAT would be true emancipation for me, if you can live your life the way you like without having it interpreted in any way connected with your sex.


Jun. 16th, 2004 11:01 am
I try to learn new words in English every day. MOst of the time, I forget them again. Even in school I only remembered the words I needed. That's why my teachers hardly ever asked me to do vocabulary tests at the blackboard - they knew I wouldn't be able to. That might sound strange, but I alsways was on good terms with my teachers, we got along much better then I did with my classmates.
Anyway, yesterday, I came across a word that got me thinking. As the subject told you already, the word is "to objectify" (All my English teachers will love me for putting the 'to' there, I never did in school...)
Interestingly, my dictionary doesn't have the word. Maybe it is a rather new word, or maybe the writers of the dictionary didn't think it was important. I found the word in a comic strip. (Hey, as long as I learn something from it, who cares what it is?)
In the comic the question was whether a man would objectify a beautiful woman, but what I was thinking about yesterday was the exact opposite. Partly that was due to listening to 'It's raining men'. (Weather Girls - you remember, a long long time ago?) Mom and I really like the song, but my Dad was not amused. There are tons of songs in the charts about sexy women and male fantasies, and everybody accepts that. But as soon as a woman does the same thing, she's considered a slut. (Pardon the language)
I'm not a very emancipated woman. I don't really care whether the road signs that mark bike routes show a man's or a woman's bike. You might not believe it, but German feminists actually discussed about something like that! I absolutely hate the notion of putting a female ending to every word describin a position or a group of people. That's not possible in English, unfortunately, it is in German. That means to be political correct, you'd have to address male and female people explicitly. As in 'Dear male and female citizens, I am happy to introduce the male and female members of our parliament...'
Just an example, but you can easily see how stupid this is.
The meanest hting feminists could ever do to women in Germany was the so called 'women proportion'. It basically means that if you have a certain number of employees in your company, there has to be at least one woman in the team. No matter what business you're in. The last sentence in job ads used to be 'Women and handicapped people with the same qualification will be preferred.' I AM NOT HANDICAPPED! I'm a woman. And I don't want to ask myself if I got the job only because of my sex! Even though they now say the same thing in two sentences so there is no grammatical connection between women and handicapped anymore, I still consider the whole proportion thing an insult. As if we wouldn't be good enough to get a job on our own!
But back to the objectifying part:
Why is it acceptable for men to objectify women, but they run mad when women do the same? Maybe it is because women have been trained for centuries to appeal to a man by the way they look. Men are rather easy to influence if you have long legs in short skirts and wear a tight top. Men, on the other hand, are not used to look very attractive to women. Especially when they are in a relationship, they tend not to care about how they look. Now, seeing a group of women giving marks to the men that pass them must be pretty threatening to the average guy.
I have made the experience that men who are clean, well dressed and know how to behave are either married or gay. Gay is more likely, though. Such a pity, really.
To get to the point, the only thing I like in emancipation today (I'm not talking about feminists like the Pankhurst women, fighting for women's votes and the right to be educated.) is that we can act just like the guys, judging them from their appearance. Don't worry, boys, you'll get used to it. We did, too.
Unfortunately, our genetic dispositions are different. Women cannot be content with a man who just looks good. Men are different. As my brother once said: 'I don't need to talk with her...' So while objectifying men can be a nice sport, it will not do for life. Instead of spending hours in the sports studio, I'd advice any man who reads this to also read a book from time to time. A beautiful body is one thing, but women are demanding - it's not enough.
Today I read something in the paper about how the budget for defence (wouldn't attack be a more appropriate name for it? Or at least War, as it has been for a long time - at least that was more to the point) has been increased all over the world. Half of the world's military budget, though, is spent by the US. Russia's increased big time, too. Are we back to Cold War here?
As for war crimes like what the US troops did in Iraqi prisons, I can only quote one of my favorite songs: "There's no such thing as a winnable war" (that's Sting: The Russians) - and the US apparently try hard to lose this one. And sorry if you don't agree with me, but to me it doesn't really matter who did what in Iraq. That is, I don't care what rank these soldiers have you see on the pictures from Abu Ghoreib. And I don't think it mattered to the Iraqis on the pictures either. I just think that this way of humiliating an Arab muslim has to be the consequence of a process of thinking hard. To torture them, or even to kill them, maybe would not have created as much protest in the Arab world than undressing them and all this. So I firmly believe that somebody ordered these things to happen, with the idea of deeply injuring and humiliating the Iraqi people. Why esle should they take photos of the whole thing?
Yes, I was against this war.
I think the American president should have been truthful enough to state the real reasons for it, not inventing some stories about weapons of mass destruction.
(Here's a joke I heard a few weeks ago: Bush keeps Saddam Hussein's revolver on his desk in the Oval Office. Why? To show to his guests as proof of the WMD in Iraq...)
I'm not sure what the true reason is, though. Was it revenge for his father? Or finishing the job Bush sr. has started? Was it to take the attention away from inner problems?
Anyway, after the war started, I hoped the USA would be smart enough to have a concept of what to do with Iraq once it was "liberated". Apparently, they don't. And apparently, they never gave a thought to the difference in mentality between an American and an Iraqi soldier.
When we saw the first pictures of Iraqis on their knees, handing over their guns to some American, I knew that this had to go wrong.
I always had the impression that Arabs in general are a proud people with a strong sense of honor. Dealing with them would have demanded much more respect for their different way of thinking than the American soldiers had been prepared to have. If they have been prepared at all for anything but the fighting part of the Operation.
It will take a long time for the wounds of this war to heal. And I really don't look forward to living through this time. I was always happy to live in a time and place that makes it unlikely for me to be involved in a war. Also because my brother is an officer in the German army and I don't want to see him off to Afghanistan or Iraq or wherever else the Americans deem it necessary to introduce the one and only acceptable way of life - theirs.
I don't like our chancellor, but in keeping us out of the war in Iraq, he has done something right for once.

The problem with armed conflicts today is that they can be out of control so easily.
Some German guy, I think he is a historian, once made a movie called The Third World War. It was made up like a documentary film, starting from the point that the German reunification in 1989 didn't take place, but that the Soviets send their army to stop the protests. Then the American and British troops stationed in West Germany reacted, and within a few weeks there was a new World War going on, with more effective weapons than ever before. The film ended with the Russians dropping an atom bomb over the baltic sea. If anything like that happens, nobody can imagine the consequences. This is just too much even to think about.
Have you ever relized that most science fiction movies start after a world wide desaster? I'm not talking about stuff like Star Trek, but about movies like Waterworld or The Snake. So maybe Science Fiction is not the right term. But anyway, the descriptions of these movies in the TV guide usually start with something like "After a war/environmental desaster/terrorist attack/... the survivors have...
So while many people think about how life will be after the fact, we really don't want to imagine the thing itself. Maybe it's a way of protecting ourselves against the almost unthinkable.

There' another thing on my mind lately. And that is Genetics. Or rather, the question of changing the DNA of plants - corn in Germany right now - to keep certain insects away. Greenpeace and other organisations destroy the fields were these plants are tested. So the so called green genetics is a bad thing. But what about the red genetics - fooling around with human DNA. Isn't it kind of stupid to refuse to eat corn with manipulated genes (We have done nothing but manipulating the DNA of domesticated plants and animals ever since the Stone Age - so please try to be sensible about this!) but to accept the idea of cloning children? There are parents who decide to have a second child just to have "spare parts" for the first one. But still, the opposition against the "Gene-Corn" is much stronger than against the excesses of some biologists.
I just don't understand this, it doesn't seem to make any sense. If it does to you, leave me a note, I'd be happy to get a new look on it.
Sometimes I wonder where all this will lead. But then again, even if I live to be a hundred, hopefully I don't have to see the end of it.
I just want to live long enough to see humanity take to space, maybe to meet one or two alien people. According to Star Trek and Babylon 5, this will happen somewhere in the 2060s, so chances are I might live to see it.
If I ever manage to earn a lot of money I'll book a space flight for vacation. It must be an incredibly moving experience to see the earth from that distance.
Finally it looks as if summer is here. Sun is shining, birds are singing...
speaking of birds:
Neighbor's cat brought a bird today and was not amused when I told her that I don't want to have her eat it in the house. The good thing was she couldn't bite me, because she had the bird still in her mouth.
Kids are playing outside, running around, building tree houses, shooting at each other with plastic guns.
Summer's an interesting time to sit and watch things happen. I always get the feeling that good and bad are never as close together as this time of the year. Maybe it's just because people are outside more often. All the stuff they do behind closed doors in winter, they now take out for everybody to see.
Summer also is the time when a particular feature of the Germans jumps right at the attentive witness: the tendency to build fences.
If a German comes to the beach, the first thing he'll do is spread out his towel to cover as much ground as possible, mark his spot. Germany is full of little gardens, all with high fences and hedges around them.
And many people will stand behind their own fence and peek over in somebody else's garden to find out what he's doing. Seems strange, but while they want to protect themselves from nosy neighbors, they feel it's quite alright to be just as nosy themselves.
OK, there are Germans that are different. And maybe other nations have the same habits. But it alsways seemed to me to be something very typical for the nation I belong to. Don't take me wrong, I like being German. Even though that's nothing many Germans would say aloud. But - there are some things I don't agree with. Is there anything more beautiful than a free view over the land, unblocked by power lines, houses, and fences? There's so much space out there, why take most of it away to build borders?
No, I'll not get into politics. Even though I am a proud citizen of the European Union and would really appreciate the foundation of the United States of Europe. Yes, there are natural borders between people. Mentality is one. But these frontiers don't follow the lines on political maps.
Wow, quite a huge step from summer to politics. I start getting an impression on how hard it is to talk with me in person. But hey, another nice side effect of a life journal. I'll end up being even closer to perfection than I am already. ;-))
So that's it for the moment, gotta get a nice piece of cake in our beautiful garden, surrounded by nice hedges keeping nosy neighbors out.
YES, I am a real German...
Well, for somebody who never managed to write a diary regularly, starting a journal on the web seems a little strange. I could be overestimating myself and never write anything again.
But no, not really. I love to talk, I do talk a lot about myself, and this is the perfect place to do it, as my poor readers can't give any feedback dangerous to me, like kicking my butt for gabbing. They also can read only a few lines at a time, much better than having me actually talk to them for hours on end...
Well, we'll see how this works out.
Yesterday, I handed in my last, final, never-again examination paper. Hopefully it will be the last. That means the end of my time in university is coming. It's a weird feeling. I mean, for the past 16 years, I've had some kind of schooling. That's not including Kindergarten. And now it's all over. I'm expected to find a job, earn money, move into my own apartment, all that stuff. I'll have to pay taxes, get my own insurance, and most likely my parents will be far far away. I don't expect to find a job anywhere near my home town. Don't get me wrong, it's exciting to move on with my life, and yes, one day I'd love to go to Maine and live there. But somehow, my dreams about living on my own never included the moving-out part of the story.
Plain and simple, I'm lost. I am a little scared, too, as I don't know how this will all work out. Germany's unemployment rates are soaring, and
"I don't ever want to play the part
of a statistic on a government chart."
(That's from The Police: Invisible Sun)
But I might not have the choice. I don't mean to brag, but I never really failed in anything that had to do with school or work or anything you could handle with brain power. (As long as it wasn't mathematics)
I know that not getting a job isn't the end of the world, but I never made the experience. There's a huge difference between knowing something in your head and knowing it in your heart...
Wow, what a negative way of getting started. But hey, a journal is about telling what you feel, and this is what I feel right now. Maybe it's because of the bad weather. It has been raining pretty much all day today, and I need the sun to feel comfortable.
Anyway, I'll wait for a better mood to write more.
Thanks for reading, guys.



August 2012

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