I guess I was just depressed this afternoon. So after writing my last entry, I actually got up and did some laundry. Just the picture of my brother walking up to his drill sergeant on monday and saying "Sorry that I'm not wearing my uniform, my sister didn't feel like doing housework this weekend." kind of made it sound like a nice idea. And then I got my camera and went for a walk. The weather is beautiful and quite warm, but I still decided to put on my winter boots and a jacket - I don't have the time to get seriously ill right now.
That walk made me realize once again how beautiful my surroundings are. I don't care too much for people and houses, so I went out in the country. There is a little river close by, and every time I came too close to that, I heard the frogs escape into the water. With spring turning to summer, everything is green. All kinds of flowers are blooming, attracting insects of all sizes.
I ended up crawling through the ruins of an old - well, I guess mansion would be the word. It used to be a large house of a rich family once. I never actually saw anybody live there. For a while, a gang of teenagers used it as their "headquarter", and either they or another gang burned it down. It may or may not have been an accident, I don't think anybody ever found out or cared to do so. Since there is no roof anymore and the floors upstairs have fallen down, nobody goes there anymore. There is something like a courtyard, you have to find a way through all kinds of weeds growing up to my waist to get there. But it certainly was worth it. There were several bushes of blackberries or raspberries (no fruit to tell me exactly what it was) blooming, and insects from flies to bees were buzzing around. I even saw a hornet. Right in the middle of it all there was a small bird. Protected by the thorns from any predator, and food flying right up to his beak. I guess that is how bird paradise looks like.
As a human, I felt like an intruder and a little bit like guest. As if the animals were telling me "Do what you want here but don't bother us. You are in our world now."
Seeing the plants slowly taking back the ground they lost when the house was built made me feel small and unimportant. It reminded me that I'm just a small part of nature, and one that doesn't serve a real purpose. I mean, nature would get along very well without us humans but we couldn't live without nature.
Apparently, many people didn't get any of these feelings around that place. I saw waste bags somebody had thrown into an old shed. There was an old TV in what might have been the backyard, beer cans and cigarette boxes. Really made me wonder whether these people deserve to get to places like that. Clearly they don't appreciate their existence. And it is no excuse to say that they just didn't think. Because if you take your garbage somewhere else, you know exactly what you are doing. And it is just not possible to live without thinking, or at least it shouldn't be.
But I shouldn't go on like that. I really enjoyed my walk. The sun did me a lot of good. I calmed down and relaxed and I'm ready for a nice evening now.



August 2012

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