Dec. 17th, 2005

Weird of me to make that my subject line. I had barely heard of the Ramones when - whatever his name was - died not so long ago. I don't think I ever consciously heard any of their songs. But this line just really fits. I think last Christmas there weren't any major fights. But I can barely remember a Christmas we didn't fight. Usually about the same things everytime. And never anything that's really worth the trouble.
I hate it when they fight. Usually I am not part of it. Unless my Dad manages to push the right buttons, I can stay out of it. (My Dad has the uncanny ability to always say exactly the wrong thing.)
Mom says that when I was a kid, I used to simply not hear things I didn't want to hear. I would stand looking at her, seemingly listening, but when asked something, I would get this "Who me??" look of total disbelief. Apparently, that makes it very hard to deal with me sometimes.
But I hate quarrels and fights, especially on Christmas. The holidays I spent in America were like a revelation. I saw that it was actually possible to spend Christmas with your family without fighting.

I don't think we'll manage this time. Not if my Dad still wants pity because he's soooo sick and everybody's mean to him. Not if my sister wants to be treated like the queen and most beloved of the family. Not if my mother plays nice until she can't take it no more and snaps - usually at the wrong time. Not if my older brother looks at everything with the slight disdain and contempt that is too fine for my Dad to understand. Not if his girlfriend has no answers to the questions she thinks my parents have no right to ask (like "How are your studies going?" or "What are your plans once you finished University?"). Not if my brother-in-law tries to mediate by complimenting people - something my family can't take. Not if my younger brother gets angry - and he has avery violent temper.
And I will just go away up in my room and pretend I am not at home instead of trying to calm down the tempest.

For a family who places so much value on knowledge and thinking, we're horrible when we get together. It seems the proximity of the others brings out the worst in all of us. And we use all our learning and wit just to hurt each other in the worst possible way. Sometimes I think it's be easier to deal with people who fight with their fists instead of their words. A punch might leave a bruise that takes a while to heal. Words cut deeper and they leave no visible scars.

more pointless ramblings about my family )
You guys are amazing.
No matter how muhc I whine - and I do that a lot - there's always somebody of you around to cheer me up, to show they care and just to be there. And that even though some of you have much more serious difficulties than my silly little problems.
Today, I got a Christmas card from [livejournal.com profile] kaitkaitkait. My third! (I also got one from [livejournal.com profile] quietselkie and from [livejournal.com profile] linnapaw). Thanks so much!

Thanks for reminding me to look on the bright side of things, and for showing me that even if I don't get along with the people I am related to, there are always people I do get along with.

So. A while ago when I complained about only finding Christmas presents for you guys and not my family, somebody suggested I send pictures of whatever I would give you if I could.
Now let's see, what would I give some of you? (I haven't had ideas for everybody yet.) I'll post links if I find a good one.

[livejournal.com profile] agrathea:I think you might enjoy shopping with me here. No horns, though.
[livejournal.com profile] jaded_dreamer: something you always wanted and never bought from here. Or here.
[livejournal.com profile] jonthedull: nobody said gifts need to be practical. I thought you might enjoy this.
[livejournal.com profile] kaitkaitkait: either this or this or this. Because a Brit can't not own a teapot.
[livejournal.com profile] linnapaw: a vacation in Russia. Traveling wherever you want to go.
[livejournal.com profile] pandora_nervosa: If I could, I'd give you good health. I can't, but how about some quiet hours while your son and husband are busy working on the toy train? (Site is in German, because you can only get this set in Germany and Austria, but it's a Thomas the tank engine set by Maerklin. I hear these trains are addicting.)
[livejournal.com profile] pencil_pimp: something everybody on your flist would be happy about you having it: this.
[livejournal.com profile] rillathegrape: that's easy. clicky.
[livejournal.com profile] scatteredlogic: everybody needs a little magic from time to time. ;-)
[livejournal.com profile] tuva: how about a vacation here (partly Norwegian site)
[livejournal.com profile] wolflady26: British Airways doesn't give me a direct link, so I can't place that one here. If I could, I'd give you and Wolfgang a trip to Maryland, leaving this week and returning around January 6th.

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